Scored:

1. New little black book.
2. Chocolate
3. New robe.
4. New house slippers.
5. Rituals box for my grubby little hands.
6. Money for my ticket to Korea.
7. Facial masks.
8. Bath set (all apricot scented, ahhh, apricots)
9. iTunes card worth 15E.
10. New sweatshirt. (it's lined with blue silk, homg)

Yes was spoiled. I'll take pictures later. For now, I have to work. I can't believe I have to work.

I am utterly and totally confused about something. Confusion's a really big irritating thing, because it can cause so many other emotions at the same time. It's weird.

sixstarzprogram, we are still up for Yokohama monday right? You're not gonna be a chicken about the weather, are you. Chiiiicken.

The weather has now officially turned from cooky to crazy. Getting to work today was seriously dangerous, and it's a big question mark on whether or not I can even get there tomorrow considering I don't have a ride and I'm dependent on public transportation. Which at the moment, is stupendously lacking.

As we approach the end of the year I've done some serious contemplation on all the things I've learned and I've realized I've spent most of the year cleaning up after myself that I haven't done much learning. But the shiny part of that deal is that 2010 will officially be a learning year, and I can stop trying to compensate for all the time I've lost. 2010 also marks the sixth anniversary of my father's death and I think it's only recently that instead of just feeling absolutely tragic about the loss and how much it's dented my life, all I can do now is just miss him. And in some ways, it's much easier to deal with, because I know I will and I should miss him and it's more of a quiet burn than a crashing meteor.

So I've decided to share my 2010 resolutions with you all, because you're all on my friends list for some reason or another, but mostly because you are all people I care about.

1. Start being positive! Not as in, being excessively cheerful or some such rubbish, but to stop thinking doom and despair whenever things get tough. All that negative energy just circulates and burns me up.
2. Read more! My English is severely lacking lately, and I find myself searching for vocabulary and feeling like a second-grade idiot. If anything at all, I'd like to spend time abroad later on just so I can brush up on my language skills. As a writer, I feel like I'm failing myself a bit by letting it slide so bad.
3. Prioritize! The chaos is not so Homer epic anymore. It's all fine and dandy in the books, but in the real world, it's just messing up my life. That includes figuring out what kinds of people are having a chaotic effect on my life. Not to usurp any on-going relationships I have, but if a person is doing more harm than good to my life, I don't think it's something worth hanging onto anyway.
4. Be more creative! I'm a horribly creative person, but I've been doing to little to nothing about it. I used to paint, dance, sing, play instruments and above all, write like nobody's business and lately I have done nothing of the kind. I think I'm letting myself go to waste, and again, all it's doing is creating negative energy.
And last but not least, 5. Go to Korea! And I'm sure it's going to be fantastic.

In an utter moment of unrefined sap, I want you all to know you're all my dearests and I hope everyone is looking forward to 2010 as much as I am.

And the Dutch are snowed in!

But I don't care! Because it's sunday and it's my day off. So there. Pretty much the only day off I have for the next three weeks.

Also, to those who care, on the 19th of April I am going to see Don McLean in Amsterdam, live. American Pie, live. There are no words to truly describe this undulated awesomeness.

Have a good day everyone!

I felt better. I don't feel better anymore. I feel so useless.
And whenever I get criticized in a way that makes me feel useless, and I'll be the first to admit I usually deserve it, I always get terribly anti-social. The parent plus boyfriend want me to come downstairs and watch a movie. I don't want to watch a movie, because I am currently busy bottling up irrational rage that I should healthily directing at someone instead of just thinking about all the things I should say to justify the way I feel.

So now I'm holed up in my room, like a princess. Too bad my hair doesn't grow fast when it hardly gets any sunlight, otherwise maybe my prince charming could climb up to my window.

Assuming I had a prince charming.

Any takers?

For some reason I feel incredibly melodramatic and I can't stand that I can't get a hold of anyone. Which is completely and totally my own fault because I need an adult social life. See. Melodramatic.

The radio's going 'yes it does! yes it does!' and it just makes the voices in my head, all of them mind you and that in itself is hilarious because usually my insanity doesn't ever gang up on me but lo and behold, go 'oh, fuck off.'.

Gosh I wish I could talk to someone right now. I need a pick-me-up. I might end up doing something stupid like cry over the cup I just dropped on the floor or the fact that I'm not even excited about Christmas. And instead I end up missing people that treated me like shit but did make me laugh and I just want to laugh right now.

Being pathetic isn't really pathetic unless you're completely aware of how truly pathetic you really are.

/pityparty.

Current Music: Mark Knopfler - Sailing to Philidelphia